This is Day 18 of a 31 day series on Biblical kindness. You can find the rest of the posts here!
I have noticed something that parents, teachers, doctors, dentists, and even ministers at church have in common and it’s not pretty. Want to know what it is?
I’ve been purposefully watching adult-child interactions and I have noticed that when you listen to the these powerful adults interact with children, most of the interaction is focused on correcting behavior and discipline and very little is on modeling kind behavior.
Discipline and correction aren’t always a bad thing because as we all know, children are sinners (just like you and I) but how many times do you an adult actively praising a child for doing something good or right or kind to others?
I’m sure you’ve heard the common phrase, “Do unto others what you want them to do for you” but are we living that motto as parents, educators, and mentors? If we are constantly criticizing behavior aren’t we modeling the behavior of a criticizing person instead of someone who is kind and compassionate?
To be honest, I’m a concerned about this behavior trend. Instead of instant correction and discipline, I’ve been brainstorming a better way to teach kindness when there is a “teachable moment” as my mom always called them!
I have came up with a few questions to ask kids when they are being unkind instead of telling them what they should be doing. A few of the questions are:
- “How would that make you feel if…”
- “Look at his face. How do you think he is feeling right now?”
- “What is more important, being right or being friends?” (Sometimes it’s ok to disagree. Maintaining a good relationship might be more important!)
- Asking the other child “Are you ok?”
- Asking the other child “Would you like to play with me?”
When we start thinking of the best interest of our kids, they will start thinking of what is best for others. If we want to teach kindness we need to model kindness which means kindness has to start within us!
Raising kind children is a great goal for parents. I want to be friends with kind people and I’m sure you do, too! In order to model kindness to children, here are a few simple statements to get you started:
- “Wow! You are really great at…”
- “I can see you have worked really hard on …! Great effort this week!”
- “You have really improved…”
- “I really appreciated…”
- “I loved…”
- “Thank you so much for…”
The more specific detail you can add, the more effective it will be for the child.
One of my goals is to raise independent thinkers who are compassionate, kind, and loving to others. If we all work purposefully on what we’re saying and doing in front of our children, we can make an impact on their future!
How do you model kindness to children?
To see the other posts in this series click here.
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Wonderful post! There are definitely days I feel like the word “no” and other negative statements come out of my mouth too often. I don’t want my son to always feel like he is doing wrong and try to remember to praise what he does right & offer more careful criticism when needed. Thanks for the reminder!
Thanks for visiting, Sarah! I agree with you that I want my kids to remember me smiling at them and being an encourager, not a dictator. 🙂
Very helpful post! I feel like I spend too much time pointing out the negative behaviors and not enough focusing on the good and kind behavior.
I catch myself doing the same thing! I think by being aware though, we make a better effort at doing what is right! 🙂
As a teacher of 5 year old students in kindergarten, I like to incorporate a “I caught you being good” attitude. Meaning, everytime I see an act of kindness on a child’s part, they get rewarded for it. Yes, there are appropriate times when negative behavior needs to be pointed out and corrected. But, on the same token, praising good behavior is equally important.
Great post, it is so important to praise our children and to pay attention to how well they are behaving and reward them with kind words of encouragement. Blessings
So helpful! I agree 100% with this: “If we want to teach kindness we need to model kindness which means kindness has to start within us!”
I love when I see my 3.5 year old being kind to the 1.5 year old. It’s such a great time to encourage her to continue being kind! And we will work on the times that she isn’t so nice. 🙂
Wonderful post! We must be intentional in teaching our children to be kind. to show them that kindness is valued and important. Sharing this one!
Thank you! 🙂
I love this Jenny! I do the same thing and let my kids know when they are doing something positive instead of correcting negative behavior. I also hate when someone tells my daughter she is a ‘good girl’ and ask them to point out the positive behavior she is exhibiting instead. The questions in this post are great for that!
Great reminder, Jenny. It is too easy to become critical when we see all that needs to be “fixed” in our kids. SO important to think through how to encourage them as well as help them evaluate their responses to others. You’ve provided some great questions to help with that.
I think this is so important! “Catch them being good” works a lot better than “stop them being bad”. I admit I don’t always follow my own advice, but I try!
What a great reminder, Jenny! You’re so right though – often the interaction between adults and children is negative?! We’ve always tried to do that with our own girls. Parenting is hard though!!!
Thank-you for this post. I really love watching little ones’ faces shine when they are praised for being kind and generous. We really are made in His image! So precious.
Wonderful! Thanks Jenny for this post. The questions in this post are great. I will share that!