Sometimes I feel hypocritical writing about marriage because I have one failed marriage under my belt.

On the flip side, I’ve seen what really doesn’t work and have experienced the pure joy of what a “good” marriage is all about.

I’ve been married twice (for a combined total of 14 years) .  Luckily the second time has worked out better than the first!

So please grant me grace, but I hope my experiences will only help you in your own marriage (or a friend’s)!

Here are 10 things I wish I’d known before saying, “I do”.

1. Marriage is hard work.

I got married when I was 20 years old.  I remember the first big argument we had and thinking I couldn’t leave or runaway because I was married.

Marriage is an every day decision to love and honor your spouse even when you are angry, disappointed, or hurt.

When things get tough, try to remember what it was that brought you together in the first place!  Focus on the good while working through hard stuff.

There is no autopilot if you want a great marriage.  Really get to know what makes your spouse tick. Put away the phones and connect with each other.

The true beauty of marriage is that it’s a beautiful commitment between two people who love each other enough to work through the hardest times together.  I love being married to my husband, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made, but it’s still work to make our marriage the best we can!

2. Your spouse can NOT read your mind!

I have seen more couples get into petty disagreements over where to eat simply because one wanted to go somewhere specific, but didn’t say so.

If you want Red Lobster, say “I’m really hungry for Red Lobster”. Chances are you will get your wish or your spouse might suggest something else that sounds even better!

Your spouse doesn’t know what kind of day at work you had, tell him it was awful!  Chances are he will be far more sympathetic if he knows what’s going on.

Good communication leads to less conflict and an open, honest relationship.

3. Let your expectations be known.

Type A personalities, this one is for you!  If you are a planner and expect things to go as you have planned them on paper, in your head, or with others (without telling your husband) pay attention! 

It is unfair to have expectations of your husband and be angry when your plans don’t go as you expect them to.  (Remember #2- your husband is not a mind reader!)

I catch myself doing this when I have the day planned out and things don’t work out the way I had planned.  It is so important to communicate what you expect!

Some marriages experience this problem because of how they grew up in their own family.  If your mom always cooked and your dad emptied the dishwasher, don’t be upset if your husband doesn’t automatically empty the dishwasher. In his childhood home, maybe his mom cooked and did the dishes and the thought has never occurred to him.

When you are clear with what your expectations are it’s easier to not only coexist, but to be a great team!

4. Neither marriage or romance is unconditional.

There will be days that your spouse makes you mad and hurts your feelings. It happens. You will do the same to him. Don’t take your spouse for granted! Build your spouse up.  Learn his love language !  Not only will the passion and love increase, so will the intimacy!

5. There is no “I win” in marriage.

Marriage is not 50/50 and there is no score.  You do not get extra points for making a meal.  Your husband doesn’t get extra points for putting gas in your car.  You do things for and with one another because you are a team and you love each other.

This rule applies to extended family as well.  Just because your mom gave you money for Christmas doesn’t mean your in-laws should.  Every family is different (and that doesn’t make one better than the other).

6. In regards to the in-laws…if you don’t like them when you are dating, it’s probably not going to get better after marriage.

You marry the in-laws when you say, “I do” to your new spouse.  Your in-laws are a part of your spouse and they always will be.  Even if you can’t stand them, you can always be polite and considerate.  The man you love deserves it.

 

7. It’s important to marry someone you enjoy doing things with.  It’s also important to still make time for your individual hobbies.

Jason and I love spending time together.  We spend most of our time together.  I go with him to check cows and to run many of his errands.  We enjoy spending time together.  However, we have our different hobbies such as I love to read, Jason loves to watch football on tv. Jason likes to go golfing, I don’t.  That’s ok.

8. Having a child changes your marriage.

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways.  The first few years are the hardest. Learning from my mistakes, please, make time for each other.  Go on dates.  Be a couple.  Let Grandma babysit! Your family deserves it.  One of the best gifts you can give your child is a mother and father that love each other.

9. Be thankful and focus on your spouses traits that you love, not those you don’t.

This is very easy! I don’t want someone always focusing on my faults and rubbing them in my face, and I’m sure you don’t either!  If your marriage is in a hard place, what was it that you really enjoyed about your spouse when you first met one another?  Focus on the good.  Praise your spouse for those traits.

Be kind!  You can’t take back words said in anger.  Be thankful for the person you vowed to spend your life with.

10. You don’t always have to be right.

Being right isn’t always best.  Your husband’s feelings are important.  Let some of the petty stuff go.  Your marriage is worth it!

 What would you add to this list?

Hi ladies! Welcome to week 54 of Women With Intention Wednesdays!

Thank you all for your feedback last week on getting you more involved in 2016!  I am working on a new “Featured Blogger” form that will be starting next week.

For 2016, I will select a featured blogger each week along with the most popular post.  When you are the featured blogger, I will email me your information that I’ll include in the post and I think it’ll be a fun way of getting to know you all even better!

Last week the most popular post’s author didn’t click over to the person in front of her, please remember to play by the rules so everyone gets some well-deserved community involvement!

Welcome to Women With Intention Wednesdays!

Here is what you will find at Women With Intention Wednesdays:

• This is a link up party where you come to encourage one another, have fun, and share your best posts to help women live their best life!
• In other words, any post that you have written about Christian living, homemaking, relationships, healthy living, living a frugal life or that helps another woman can be included in this link up! Please just them family friendly (I reserve the right to remove anything that I feel isn’t appropriate).
• This link up is beneficial for every woman! Whether you are a blogger or a reader, this is one you won’t want to miss! I’m very excited to offer this link up as a place to not only build new relationships between bloggers but also by providing an awesome resource of information for my readers!

Here are the rules of this link up:

1. You must link directly to your post (no homepages, please).
2. Please link up no more than 2 posts each week and please do not link up the same post week after week.

3. For every link you add, please visit the link before you and one other of your choice. If your links are consecutive visit the blogger before you and your choice for the 2nd link. It’s impossible to build relationships when no one communicates! Please don’t link and run!

4. By linking up you give me permission to share your posts and photos on this blog and social media. Each week I will choose a featured blogger as well as the most popular post. I will only feature you and the most popular posts if you have followed the rules (otherwise I’ll move on to the next most popular post). All features will be linked back to the original source.
5. You also give me permission to email you a quick reminder that the party is live. You may opt out anytime. I don’t spam my readers with emails.
6. Answer the community building question below so we all get to know each other! That’s the purpose of being here! 🙂

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Community Building Question: What is your favorite quick meal to make?

I obviously am looking for ideas to add to my meal plan!  🙂

Mine is probably grilled steak and potatoes.  Being cattle producers, there isn’t anything tastier than a yummy T-bone!

Have you enjoyed what you read here today? Do you have friends or other women you know that could benefit from this resource? If so, please do me a favor! I have included the links below to share with other intentional women! They’ll be glad you did!